The Disclaimers: Volume 1
by KungPowKitty
Summary: I shall, therefore, I have. The skies shall turn the color of baby bottoms colored with red crayons, and the ground shalt be blue, with and cherry muffins flying around. So many answers, so few questions? All shall be revealed on the next episode of.
1. Episodes One through Five

Hello there, oh confused Inuyasha-fans! And some other Inu fans who know all too well what is coming! It's a pleasure to be here - (bonks the owner of this computer in the head with a Nerf bat; he goes unconscious again). What you are about to experience is a wonder of literary stupidity! Yes, indeed, it's sheer pootyness will leave a mark on history so bold that future generations will have no idea what it is when you mention it in a conversation. Yes, it is...

**THE DISCLAIMERS! Volume I**

That's right folks! Relive the majesty, the wonder, the excitement, the pure unbridled (beyond-what-anyone-imagined) MADNESS of The Disclaimers. I am your host, Kung Pow Kitty, and we'll be having some interesting experiences over the coarse of the next few millenniums (okay, so that has nothing to do with what we're doing here, but it's still true!).

For the Inuyasha fans who have no idea what this is, allow a short (and hopefully intriguing) explanation (so that I can come up with some new material for the Disclaimers Volume II that is still in the works). My twin brother and (ahem) interesting colleague, Kamiko- Zephuru, is the author of the fan fictions "Wind Child" and "Loving Incense" (they're good, go read 'em). Early on to add comedy relief to the productions, each chapter began with a disclaimer (he later turned the disclaimer production over to myself); not a typical "I don't own 'em, now go read my writing" thing, but more like a, um, ... a... well, just take a look and you'll get my drift. So, here, I am presenting all of "Wind Child" 's noble Disclaimers, restored digitally to their never-actually-there brilliance!

Hopefully, none of what I just said makes sense, so you'll take a peek. Whatever. Moving on! (hits computer owner in head with frying pan) MEOW!

(Episode 1. Ahh, the humble beginnings. How it makes my skin crawl!)

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha... sniffle... But im gonna change that, hehehe (walks off with a giant net in hand)

(Very humble beginnings. Shall we continue?)

(Episode 2. A bit more daring)

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or the rest of the gang, but does that mean I can't kidnap them?

Miroku- "HELP! GET US OUT OF HERE!"

Shippou- "WHERE IS INUYASHA! WHY HASN'T HE COME YET!"

Inuphinox - don't worry, he shall soon be joining us ( walks off with an evil grin )

(Episode 3. Obviously, the first few were pretty short, so we're grouping them five at a time until they lengthen up. Oh, and f.y.i., Inuphinox66 Kamiko Zephuru)

Disclaimer - I don't' own Inuyasha or anyone else, but about my kidnapping them...

Myoga - HELP! HE'S STUFFED ME INTO A CACTUS!

Inuphinox - well, it's just necessary procedure to keep you from escaping (checks Myogas name off a list, already containing the check marl by Miroku, Shippou, Kaede, Ayame, and Sota) Hmmm... whom should I kidnap next (grins maliciously) that's a good one... (walks off with a giant leaf blower in hand)

Miroku - That kid is sadistic.

Ayame - No really... is that your hand?

(Episode 4)

Now, as I was going to do... (Grabs the sedated Totosai, chains him to the wall with Miroku, Ayame, Shippou, and Sota. Myoga is still is his cactus)

BANG, BANG, BANG!

Inuphinox66 - INUYASHA, SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THAT CLOSET!

Inuyasha - LIKE HELL I WON'T!

Inuphinox66 - YOU SHOULD BE GLAD I AT LEAST GAVE YOU A WINDOW THINGY!

(Inuphinox66's sister, Irishwolf511 (a.k.a. KungPowKitty) , walks in) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE!

Inuphinox66 - Uh... kidnapping Inuyasha characters... wanna join me?

Irishwolf511 - (looks at Inuyasha) DOGGY EARS! Cute! (Plays with ears)

(Episode 5)

Inuphinox66 - Now, my sister WILL be joining me in moving Sango into her cage, wont you?...

Irishwolf511 - SOOOOO CUUUUUTE! INUYASHA IS SO CUTE!

Myoga - I think we had better not tell Kagome about this...

Inuyasha - Umm, uh...

Inuphinox66 - (clasps forehead) (throws Sango into cage with Kikyo, locks it back up)

Sango - HELL NO! I AM NOT GOING TO BE IN A CAGE WITH THIS FREAKY WENCH!

Kikyo - I heard that

Ayame - WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE NOT ALWAYS BEING _VIOLATED! (_Glares coldly at Miroku)

Miroku - What!

Inuphinox66 - I need earplugs...

Disclaimer - I do not own Inuyasha or the others... Legally...

Inuyasha - I HEARD THAT!

So are we getting a feel for the general insanity of The Disclaimers? Believe me, it gets worse. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse! (laughs manically!) (and hits computer owner in the head again, this time with Auntie Martha. Those of you who've seen these already will understand that joke)

Review?...


	2. Episodes Six through Nine I think

Yay! I'm getting off my lazy but to deliver more Disclaimer Madness! Here we have the next chapters of Disclaimers from the timeless first volume! Happy day!

Oh, and for our newcomers, Inuphinox is now known as Kamiko- Zephuru, the author of the "Disappearing Well" stories these first came from, and Irishwolf is now known as KungPowKitty, aka, me.

Inuphinox66 - Now, onto my wonderful collection of Inuyasha characters... (finishes duct taping Naraku to a chair)

Irishwolf511- (wakes up from being shot with stun gun)

Inuphinox66 - Umm, Inuyasha... (runs over to closet to start unlocking door to get something/someone as a shield)

Irishwolf511- You! (runs at brother) TIME FOR SOME KUNG FU KITTY!

Inuphinox66 - CRAP! (grabs a frying pan)

Irishwolf511- (dives onto the ground, slides into brother's feet, making him fall head over heels and get hit in the head with his own stinking frying pan) MEOW!

Sota, Inuyasha, ... actually, every captive - Ow...

Inuphinox66 - Me ow (collapses)

Irishwolf511- (drags brother into a cell and lets him write next chapter. Scoops up Kilala and starts teaching the captives how to play Poker)

Inuphinox66 - You're not going to get away with this...

Irishwolf511 - FOUR OF A KIND!

Disclaimer - I do not own Inuyasha or the others (or the song from the previous choppy), although my sister seems to own ME... (Continues with trying to pick the lock with pencil. It isn't going too hot)

Irishwolf511- If you would stop picking at the lock, maybe I would let you out to catch more characters. Ever think about that?

Inuphinox66 - shut up...(breaks out a cell phone I dunno how I got it) hello?... Kagome Higurashi?... You dunno who I am, but I know where Inuyasha and the others have vanished off to... yes... uh-hu... WHAT!... FINE, IF YOU DON'T COME I'LL TELL INUYASHA THAT YOU'RE (catches himself from speaking of her secret feelings) using up all of your free minutes. Bye! (turns off phone)

Irishwolf511- Inuyasha!

Inuyasha- (runs over) What is it?

Irishwolf511- Hurt him, please.

Inuyasha- My pleasure!

Inuphinox66 - You forgot to take this from me... (brings out frying pan, thwacks Inuyasha in the head through bars of cell)

BONG!

Inuyasha - Look at all the pretty colors... (goes unconscious)

Irishwolf511- (karate chops brother in the face through the bars. Brother goes unconscious) Men...

Felix73 (their friend) comes in - HEY! I HEARD THAT!... (looks at close bowl of white substance) SUGAR SUBSTITUTE! YAAAAAY!

Irishwolf511 - I repeat...

Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha or anyone else... According to law... (Rumiko Takahashi steps out from behind corner) GIVE 'EM BACK OR YOUR SCREWED! (pulls out flamethrower) um... Write fast, write fast...

Disclaimer - RUN IRISHWOLF511, RUN!

Irishwolf511- YOU THINK I'M NOT TRING TO!

Rumiko Takahashi - GET BACK HERE WITH MY INUYASHA!

Kagome - (bursts through door) YOUR INUYASHA! (Begins to slug punches at Rumiko Takahashi, who returns them)

**A/N: That was one of my favorite Disclaimer moments**

Inuyasha - This is getting beyond the point.

Sango - (surrounded by Kikyo's ashes) You're telling me... that dumb wretch...

Irishwolf511 - Oi

Kamiko Zephuru - Oi

Doesn't it bring back memories of confusion and utter freakiness?

Review?...


	3. Episodes Eleven and Twelve

**Buenos Naches, my quesidillas. Man, am I bad at speaking spanish. Here are Episodes eleven (ten was nonexistant) and twelve of the Disclaimer whackedness. Some symptoms include dizzyness, drowsyness, coughs, and in rare cases, death (all because it's so freakishly stupid, and therefore funny)**

Episode 11---

Disclaimer - I don't own Inuyasha or the others, that would be Rumiko Takahashi, who is trying to kill us at the moment...

Irishwolf511- Kung Pow Kitty Attack! Hi-Yaaaaaaa!

Kamiko - Zephuru - hey Inuyasha, can I borrow you sword for a sec?

Rumiko Takahashi- is beating up Irishwolf511 Bwa Hahaha!

Irishwolf511- I didn't want to do this to you! takes out frying pan Bang!

Kagome ( who is lying on the floor from beatings) - ouch

Kamiko - Zephuru - No kiddin. She does that to me every Saturday morning.

Rumiko Takahashi- Look at all the pretty colors faints

Kamiko - Zephuru - now that we have taken care of that attemptive coup... (locks up Kagome, Rumiko Takahashi, and Inuyasha's sword) who shall we go after next sister?...

Irishwolf511- You call me sister again and I'll whoop your face off with my frying pan.

Kamiko - Zephuru - that was mine you dolt.

Episode 12--- (this 'episode' thing feels like Star Wars)

Disclaimer - I now 'have control over' Inuyasha and the gang! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Eyes Rumiko Takahashi) I can't believe you ended the series, even though it won't end in the U.S. for another two years... I think...

Rumiko Takahashi - Yeah, well, I got tired of it.

Irishwolf511 - (stroking Kilala) Inuyasha, did you hear that? She got tired of continuing your story... (Hint, hint, nudge, nudge)

Inuyasha - Hmm... maybe I can change that idea...

Rumiko Takahashi - Oh Kami, here we go again...

Kamiko-Zephuru - (darts her with a sedative) hehe

Rumiko Takahashi - ugh... (Faints again)

Kamiko-Zephuru - Now that I have settled that much (chains up the unconscious Koga next to Shippou) Kami, is he heavy!

Irishwolf511 - NO REALLY! I was the one who had to lug him bag here after we dropped the two-ton anvil on his head!

Kamiko-Zephuru - Whatever (eyes Inuyasha, who is holding Kagome in the closet chamber thingy) Inuyasha, you should be glad I chained him to this wall and not in they're with you two.

Inuyasha - Feh.

**Good days. Isn't it fun to reminisce? Sure we blew up some buildings, but once the lawyers sorted it all out, everything was fine!**


	4. Episodes Fifteen and Sixteen

**Hello, and welcome again to the Disclaimer! The only place where physics isn't real and the Earth is still flat! Okey dokey, let's get this show on the road!**

Episode 15

Disclaimer - Okay, that's it... Irishwolf511, exactly who do we have again!

Irishwolf511 - Hmm, lessee...Inuyasha, Kagome, the remains of Kikyo, Sango, Shippou, Miroku (slap), Ayame, Sota, Kaede, uh... Myoga, Naraku, Koga, Rumiko Takahashi, um, ... I think that's it...no wait, one more

Kamiko-Zephuru - Oh yeah, our latest catch... (Pulls out huge bag, pulls out Hachi)

Irishwolf511- (stuffs Hachi back in bag, throws bag in cell with Sango)

Kamiko-Zephuru - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ANOTHER HAS FALLEN TO OUR POWER!

Irishwolf511- (looks bug-eyed at brother, backs away slowly) someone needs to seek professional help...

Shard - (friend of ours) (pops head out of door) LIKE MY MOM!

Kamiko-Zephuru - (falls down, ANIME STYLE!)

Irishwolf511- Okay,

A. Who let you in here? And

B. Your mom is the last person I would send someone to for psychiatric help

Shard - HMPH. (Slams door. Then from behind the door) WAIT A MINUTE!

Irishwolf511- Oops. We forgot to hide the prisoners again.

Kamiko-Zephuru - Uhhhh.. Quick, slam her in the head with the frying pan!

Irishwolf511 - I can't do that

Kamiko-Zephuru - Why not?

Shard - (looks evilly at them) because I have a skillet...

(Kitchen Ware Wars! Next time on Disclaimer!)

Episode Next!

Disclaimer - TAKE THAT! (throws cooking pot over the side of the knocked down table)(sides are me and Felix73 , and Shard and Irishwolf511)

Irishwolf511- YOU THINK THAT CAN STOP US! BWA HAHA HA! Shippou, bring me that grenade!

Shippou- I thought you said it was a pie you baked.

Irishwolf (aka KungPowKitty!)- Shut up, Shippou (takes what was once a pie and throws it)

Shard - _That_ was a pie!

Kung Pow Kitty- shut up

Kamiko-Zephuru - (gets hit with pie) Ick! Miroku little help!

Miroku - (comes over, gets hit in the head with a randomly flying frying pan) ugh… (falls over)

Felix73 - Wow, he's resourceful. (chucks another egg towards others)

Kamiko-Zephuru - (looks menacingly towards felix) I know of a weapon….

Felix73 - What?

Kamiko-Zephuru - (pulls out a bag of sugar substitute) Eat.

Kung Pow Kitty -NO! That's cheating! Feeding him sugar substitute is like stuffing a nuke in a burning building!

Shard - What she said! throws X-men collector plates

Felix73 - (Chugs down splenda) WEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (starts bouncing off the walls, literally) ( starts throwing random crap)

Everyone - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

(Next time! Boys vs. Girls! Inuyasha characters included!)

**I have way too much free time on my hands**

**Review...?**


	5. Episodes, uh Next

**Aye Carumba, I'm lazy! Me is mucho sorry I haven't been updating... like at all. Afraid I've been rather addicted to my Incredibles fic. (tear) I betrayed Inuyasha-fandom, and now I must die. (inhales helium)_ weehehehhehehehhee!_**

Episode... what, 16? I dunno

Irishwolf511 - can I have the frying pan back now, please? (holds out hand to TheeBycth)

TheeBycth - Fine. ( throws it to her, avoiding being hit in the head with a spoon) I get the croc pot then!

Shard - FINE, JUST HELP ME WITH DUCT TAPPING FELIX73 DOWN!

Felix73 - ARGH! BWHEHEHEHEHEH! HE ITI N I NIEFD DHRI E HAQWJU QAESDF EQFQR . ! DWQFG DGQ …

Stalking Chicken (another friend) - (kicks down the door) WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON DOWN HERE?1?

Inuyasha - Uhhh… (Drops pizza he is holding)

Kagome - We're screwed.

Stalking Chicken - I WANT IN TOO! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ( closes door, jumps down steps, starts throwing carrots at people) THEEBYCTH, WE CAN BE ON OUR OWN TEAM!

Kamiko-Zephuru - I think something has gone drastically wrong. Weren't Irishwolf511 and I trying to kidnap all of the characters of Inuyasha!

Kaede - Whatever, I shall be on thoust team over there (gestures to Stalking Chicken and TheeBycth, walks over to them, picks up mushy tofu, chucks it at Totosai) OLD GEEZER!

Totosai - HYPOCRIT! (throws soy sauce at Kaede)

Kamiko-Zephuru and Irishwolf511 - (look at each other) SCREW THAT! BOYS VS. GIRLS!

(No clue)

Episode Next

Disclaimer - WAR!

Irishwolf511- Girls! Retreat behind the tables!

Sango- No! No give up! Attack! WWHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Shard- She's lost it. Someone grab her and shut her up!

Kagome- At least we still have one prisoner, Feli- (sees empty chair with torn duct tape) Irishwolf 511!

Felix73- (jumps out from behind something with giant nutcracker!) BWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FEEL MY WRATH! THE GIANT SEA-URCHIN WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD! (many people stare)

Shippou- (gets chased by Felix and nutcracker) I'm on your team, moron!

Kamiko-Zephuru- (slaps hand to forehead) Felix doesn't know what "team" means.

Inuyasha- (ears being bit by nutcracker) MOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!

Shard- Let us seize the opportunity!

Stalking Chicken- Thank Kami for Felix's insanity!

Sango- YAY!

Miroku- (walks up to Felix's nutcracker) WIND TUNNEL (take a guess what he did)

Felix- NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNN!

Morobuku - Someone has seen "Cast Away" a few too many times.

**(Note to newcomers: in the original Disclaimers, Morobuku and Sangarouka were the reincarnations of Miroku and Sango respectfully)- **

Irishwolf511- Kung Pow Kitty Attack! Meow! (attacks boys with frying pan and sword… a dangerous mix)

(Next time on Disclaimer- (person who announces 'next time on disclaimer' runs off) If you think I'm gonna be around for a frying pan attack with a sword and giant nutcracker, you're nuts!)

**lkdsafjghaskljdfghkasdjfghkasjdgf! Gotta love ze total loss of sanity control!**


	6. Episodes Nineteen and Twenty

**GAAAAAAAAAHH! I am supremely sorry, fellow Inuyasha-crazy-comedy peoples. I've been lazy. I all but forgot about this thing. I must hit myself over head with skillet! (WHAM WHAM WHAM!) And to think, right when the Disclaimers were beginning to blossom... (WHAM WHAM WHAM!)**

**Episode 19**

Disclaimer - (Well, things have gotten a little out of hand. You see, this isn't just a battle anymore, its full-fledged war. And to think, it all started with a frying pan person speaking throws a frying pan at KungPowKitty ow!)

Shard-(is tied to a chair, being interrogated by boys)

Kamiko-Zephuru- Now, Shard, you know how this works. You've seen James Bond movies. Tell us where the girls have Felix, or (motions to Miroku) be sucked up!

Shippou- That's a little harsh, don't you think?

Sota- Yeah.

Inuyasha- (klonks boys in the head)

Shard- I will never talk! Never! No matter what you do, I won't betray my fel-

Stalking Chicken-(is also tied to a chair. Has, um, well, an insane look on her face. Interrupts Shard) I need your phone number! I need your address! I need to know which window is yours! I need to know where you are at 7:00 P.M. on Tuesdays!

Shard- She, on the other hand…

meanwhile

Kagura and Sango- LET US OUT! (bang hands against wooden door, looking fearfully over their shoulders)

Felix- (from behind them somewhere in the room) Come back! I want to play! Bwa hahahahahaha!

Kagome- (from other side of door) If you kill him, we won't be able to trade him for Shard or Stalking Chicken!

Kagura, Sango, and Sangarouka (who's next to Kagome)- WHO CARES?

**(FYI if I haven't mentioned it before, Sangarouka is the Sango's reincarnation from the fiction the Disclaimers originally appeared with. Oh, and same goes for Miroku and Morobuku)**

Kagome- All right, Sangarouka, I know that this is hard knowing your former soul-bearer is being tortured, but for goodness sake, would you please-

Sangarouka- What are you talking about? I just want the stupid pyromaniac in there to shut up!

Kaede- I agree!

KungPowKitty- Oh, for pete's sake! (barges through door, Sango and Kagura rush out, close door behind them)

Felix- What makes you think you can take me on?

KungPowKitty- (takes out frying pan) This!

**Episode 20**

Disclaimer- (Where were we again? Oh, I remember now!)

KungPowKitty- I COULD USE SOME BACK-UP! (is attempting, ATTEMPTING, to hold back Felix with her trusty frying pan. They aren't in the dungeon anymore. How they got into a field is beyond me)

Felix- (takes out nutcracker) Behold the rebirth of WILSON!

KungPowKitty- AAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Help!

Shard-(has escaped via biting through a few walls. Yuck) Just a second! (Is fighting Sesshomaru, who came to join the boys)

Sesshomaru- Bwa hahahahahha!

Kamiko-Zephuru- He's just like Felix…

Inuyasha- Creepy

Kagome- SIT, BOY!

Inuyasha- (thud) AAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEE!

Myoga- (gets flattened by Kilala's paw) Such is the fate of a flea…

Miroku and Morobuku- So who's winning again? (oh yeah, they're fighting Sango and Sangarouka)

Ayame- Beats me!

Koga- Help! (runs blindly from Stalking Chicken)

Stalking Chicken- (is, well, stalking Koga. You know, snapping pictures, that stuff) I want, I want, I want! I need your phone number! I need your address! I need you license plate number!

Shippou- What's a phone number?

Ayame- Beats me! (Wait, didn't I just say that?)

Shard- Whoa, déjà vu!

KungPowKitty- I REPEAT, I NEED A HAND WITH THE THING!

Felix- Now I shall control you all! I shall, therefore, I have. And thou shalt be in thy heart. And the moon may set but another day, but the sun shall never rise. The skies shall turn the color of baby bottoms colored with red crayons. And the ground shalt be blue, with clouds, and cherry muffins flying around with they're wings, and a rows. Thou shalt shall not be, there for shalt be, thou cannot be, thou are't is, isn't, and is/isn't all at once like a cat that says printers are cool, like a memory card with Tales of Symphonies on it, like the world with watery type things on it, like a game board without lice. What do you make of this philosophy? Is it the work of one like Socrates, or Plato? Or is simply the work of a mouse from Redwall? So many answers, so few questions? I seem to have run out of question marks. What is your favorite color$ What do you like to eat I like cheese& What do you make of this? All shall be revealed on the next episode of Jeopardy meets the Apprentice.

All- (stop fighting, stare) What!

(Next time on Disclaimer- What the heck did he mean by that!)


	7. Episodes Twentyone and Twentytwo

**BWA HA HA HA HAA! What is this? Another update so soon? What did I eat, you ask? CHICKEN! Eh hehehehehheehhehe! Bwa hahahaha! And a here we go!**

**Episode 21**

Disclaimer - (All participants in the boy/girl war have stopped fighting. Temporarily. We celebrate the 100 reviews right now!)

**(A/N in the original story the disclaimers appeared in, this was the chapter where we broke 100 reviews, obviously)**

Kagome- Boogie down! (is dancing around next to a perplexed Inuyasha)

Inuyasha- Eh?

Shippou- (is being tickled mad by Shard, StalkingChicken, and Kagura)

Shard, StalkingChicken, and Kagura- HE'S SO CUTE! (oh yes, they've lost their sanity)

Sota- (is hiding in nearby bushes taking pictures of Kagome for blackmail. He had too much soda)

Ayame- (picks up Sota by the back of shirt collar) Well, well, well, what have we here?

Kouga- DIE INUYASHA! DON'T YOU DARE BOOGIE WITH MY GIRL! (leaps at Inuyasha, who clings to Kagome)

Sesshomaru- (is flying about, hyped up on the first soda he's ever had in his life) WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LOOK AT ALL THE PRETTY COLORS!

Jaken and Rin- (back away slowly)

Ayame- (takes a skillet to Kouga's thick skull) Men…

Kamiko-Zephuru, Kaede, Sango, Sangarouka, and Kagome- (are dancing the cucaracha!) La cucaracha! La cucaracha! La-de da-de da-de daaa!

KungPowKitty, Miroku, and Naraku- (stare)

Morobuku- I prefer the can-can! (dances the can-can, receives many, many, many stares) What?

but where is Felix you ask?

Felix- (is duct taped to a nearby tree) Come on, you guys! I promise I'll be good!

Everyone else in a single, resounding voice- YEAH, RIGHT!

**Episode 22**

Disclaimer - (the war has resumed)

Kouga- I'm gonna get you, you damn cat!

KungPowKitty- (is running from Kouga) Nu uh! (Shard jumps out from behind bush at KungPowKitty) AAAHHH!

Shard- HUG-RANDOM-PERSON DAY! (Bear hugs KungPowKitty, won't let go)

KungPowKitty- (starts hopping because she can't walk with Shard holding on) Not now! Which team are you on!

(nearby) Kagome- (Felix has stolen the blender, is standing over her) Someone help!

Sango and StalkingChicken- Coming! (Are pulverizing Inuyasha and Morobuku with tuber ware)

Kouga- GIMME!

KungPowKitty- NEVER! (holds onto frying pan (which Kouga is trying to steal) with hands, while trying to push Shard off/ end Shard's hug with feet)

Kamiko-Zephuru- Alright, Kouga. We may be on the same team, but trying to steal the best weapon of an enemy who is being restrained is just plain unfair!

Kouga- Whatchya gonna do about it? (continues pulling while KungPowKitty pulls his tail w/ one hand)

Kamiko- Zephuru - Well, ordinarily, I would just slap you upside the head, but since this is my sis, (starts swinging rice cooker from wire/plug) I think I'll do something worse!

Kouga - (thinks to self: uh-oh)

KungPowKitty- (thinks: I love me brother!)

(Next time on Disclaimer: Shard and Kamiko-Zephuru are traded!)


	8. Episode Best!

**ALOHA! I is sorry for taking forever and totally neglecting the Disclaimers (especially since I'm two whole volumes behind). Alas, I should be speared to death by more honorable than I! But since I think that would hurt a bit, I just give another chapter! THE CHEAT IS NOT DEAD! I'M SO GLAD THE CHEAT IS NOT DEAD!**

Disclaimer- (A short end to the war is taking place. Don't worry, we're just deciding whether to trade Shard for KZ. KZ and Shard are caged right now while waiting. Reminds us of baseball.)

Kagome- Come on, guys! Please!

Guys- NO!

KZ- (to self) Well this is ironic, ME being in a cage…

Shard - HUG RANDOM PERSON DAY (hugs un-entertained KZ)

KPK- I have to agree with the guys on this one

Kagome, some other gals- WHAT!

KPK- (sweat drop) Well, it kinda ruins the point, doesn't it? I mean, it's guys against gals! That's what makes Disclaimer fun! … Right?

Sango- She has a point. Besides, Shard has helped us a lot. It wouldn't be fair to trade her.

Sangarouka and Inuyasha in unison- Especially since she lost her mind.

(Whap, Bang!)

(Inuyasha and Sangarouka both have large bumps on their heads from a particular frying pan)

KungPowKitty- Like I was saying…

Shippou- (thinks about Inyasha's head injury) serves him right

… 3 hours later …

Kagura- Then it's agreed? No trade?

Kagome and Inuyasha in unison - Right (shake hands)

KZ- Let me out!

Felix- Yo.

KZ- Huh? Hey, how come you're in a cage too? (A/N gee, I wonder (sarcastic))

Felix- (evil-ly) Am I? For in my mind, there are no cages, only fluffy bunnies the color of raining cats and dogs at high noon on a blustery day in the hundred acre wood!

KZ- (blink blink)

Girls and guys split up to plan next battle…

KZ- Hey wait! You forgot to let us out! Come on! Come back here! (looks fearfully over shoulder at Shard, who is wearing her infamous evil grin)

Felix- Good luck old chap. By the end of this, you'll be as nuts as us two!

KZ- AAAAAAAAAA!

…16 hours later…

Kamiko-Zephuru- …help…

Felix to Shard (they're quite sane now, the sugar high died down) How many times has he said that?

Shard- I lost count around 783,004...

KungPowKitty- I KNEW I forgot something!

KZ- Sister!

KPK- (bends down, picks up frying pan)

KZ- (falls. ANIME STYLE!) KUNG POW KITTY!

KPK- Oops, I guess two things… (unlocks cages)

KZ- I'M FREE!

(BWONG! BING!)

(another frying pan attack)

KZ- (being dragged off by Shard) (to KPK) What was that for!

KPK- (is dragging a very nonchalant Felix) The Kitchen-Ware war is back on. I'm afraid you are now a prisoner of war.

KZ- Eeeehhhhhhh? (pouts)

Shard- So what now? (they approach the lair of the girls: Martha Stewarts former kitchen before a little run-in with the law)

KPK- (takes out rice cooker) Well, I guess we could add this to inventory (sry for saying that it was brisk33, it was actually Imperial Angel that suggested the idea)

KZ- THAT'S MINE!

KPK- Not any more. Look, this isn't my idea, dude.

Felix- Who's then?

KPK (quite casually)- Kouga's

KZ - huh?

Shard- Hate to break it to ya, pally, but he's been doing a little double agent work for a while now. He only tried to take KPK's frying pan to help the imagery.

KPK- (grumbles) Although he oughta have TOLD me before hand.

Kaede- (yeah, they're in the kitchen now) Ah, ye have returned!

KPK and Shard in unison - (hold up boys by shirt collars) The hunt went well!

(The girls laugh evil-ly)

Kamiko-Zephuru and Felix (yes even Felix) - (gulp)

…2 hours later, place change to guys' hide out (which is Martha Stewart's jail cell)…

**(A/N Remember this was written before she got out and was rewarded for breaking federal law with booming success. It's a wonderful life)**

Martha Stewart (who is copyrighted to… uh… herself?) Now, boys, I'll show you how to make some delicious pecan browni- (WHAP!)

Inuyasha- Next time I'll hit you with the sharp side of Tetsusaiga

Martha Stewart (still smiling)- ow (faints)

Totosai- Which is worse, her or Felix?

Morobuku- Good question. I'm leaning towards her.

Everyone else- Definitely!

Kouga- So what are we waiting for? Why don't we attack them?

Shippou- Because we don't know where they are, dofus

Miroku- (picks up pecan brownies)

Morobuku- What on earth are you doing!

Miroku- What do you think! I'm hungry!

A chorus of stomach grumbles resonate from all boys… they eye brownies…

Martha Stewart- Now, as I was saying boys…

…4 hours later…

Martha Stewart - Great job, Inuyasha! You've made a lovely tea cozy! (A/N- what is that by the way?)

Inuyasha- Thanks, Auntie Martha!

Sota- Auntie Martha, is this right (shows her some rather burnt looking quiche)

Martha Stewart- It's fine. In time, you will be able to cook without burning food!

Kouga- (thinks (only one unaffected by evil brownies, no doubt thanks to his alliance with the girls) ) Oh Kami, where are all the men! (slips away)

Miroku and Naraku - (are doing ballet while cooking)

… Martha Stewart's kitchen…

Kagome- Who do you fight for?

KZ and Felix in unison- You, oh great and wise master!

Sango- Who do you worship?

KZ and Felix in unison- You, oh great and wise master!

StalkingChicken- Who do you cook for?

KZ and Felix in unison- You, oh great and wise - wait a minute.

KPK- (whaps both in head with frying pan in one swing)

KZ and Felix in unison, bowing down- YOU, OH GREAT AND WISE MASTER!

Shard- Yep, they're good!

Felix- (rubs head from frying pan attack)

Kagura- Don't you find it ironic that Kamiko-Zephuru is the one who first caught us? And now, we have caught him…

KZ- (pouts a little)

Kouga- I'm back!

Ayame- Took you long enough, what took you? (begins to reach for frying pan which KPK is holding out for her)

Kouga- "Auntie Martha"

Kagura- I beg your pardon.

Kouga- Martha Stewart

KPK- BUT SHE'S IN JAIL!

Kaede- Aye!

Kouga- Yeah, what makes you think that makes a difference?

Shard (smiling)- Wait, you mean,… oh no. (smiles broader) the guys have been … erm… possessed? by Martha Stewart!

KZ - (turns to Felix) I think we got the better deal…

Kagome- This is perfect! We can sneak attack them!

KPK- ("sharpens" frying pan, kisses it)

Stalking Chicken - I shall ready the flaming carrots and tuber ware of doom!

Sangarouka- To the secret lab! (déjà vu with Emperor's New Groove!)

(All go to Emperor's New Groove set-of-levers-room)

Kagome- Pull the lever, Kouga!

Kouga (pulls lever. PS sorry to Disney for this)

All but Kouga- (guess what happened?) WRONG LEVER!

All- (exiting alligator chamber) why do we even have that lever! (go back to lever room)

Shard to Kouga - Out'a my way! (pulls right lever)

All go flying into one, single, cramped roller coaster cart.

Sango- Methinks we should have considered this before hand (all, including Kouga, squirm around)

Shard (dear Lord, she's had a whole can of chocolate whip cream!) (in a voice similar to "Auntie Martha") - Please keep your hands and legs inside the car at all times!

KPK- Uh oh (woosh! Roller coaster starts)

Kouga- C'mon Ayame, put your hands in the air!

Ayame- Gladly! (slaps Kouga)

Group lands in secret lab. In laboratory coats. High five partners. Oh yes, even Felix and Kamiko-Zephuru are here

**BOOM bada boom boom BOOM! Yeah!**


	9. Episodes Threes

**Da DAAAAAAAAAA! Hello, my name is KPK, and I'm depressed. (someone else) and we're all glad to meet you KPK! Have a seat! (KPK)- NO! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Can we tell I'm in an off mood?)**

Episode whatever-it-is

Disclaimer - (with the girls, Kamiko-Zephuru, Felix, and Kouga in secret lab)

Felix- So what are we going to do?

Kagome- Hmmm. Well, we could turn them into fleas

Sangarouka - I think that's been copyrighted by Disney

Stalking Chicken - She has a point

Kouga- These stupid lab coats are driving me nuts! (rips off coat)

KungPowKitty- Say that again Kouga!

Kouga- (confused) they drive me nuts?

LoveMusic- (Comes through a back door) Hey KPK. How may I help you?

KungPowKitty- Sup? Well, we're in the middle of a -

Love Music (interrupting) - Kitchen Ware war. I've read the disclaimers

Shard- Oh good

KungPowKitty- Well I have an idea, thanks to Kouga

Kouga- (eyes get wide)

Love Music- And how can I help?

--- with guys in Martha Stewart's jail cell---

Inuyasha, Morobuku, and "Auntie" Martha singing- THE SUN'LL COME OUT! TOMORROW! BET YOU BOTTOM THE SUN'LL COME OUT… TOMORROW!

Miroku - Gah! I can't take it anymore! Someone please shoot me now!

Shippou- With what! Japanese Fighting Muffins!

Naraku- You leave my muffins out of this!

Sota- (bangs on cell door) LET ME OUT!

Guard- (from outside) What's going on in there, Martha!

Martha- (singing still with the other two) Raindrops on roses, and bright woolen mittens…

Myoga- Shut up! (throws Sota's burnt quiche at Martha (somehow))

The quiche goes flying…and misses terribly

Sesshomaru-(splat) OW!

Sota- MY QUICHE!

Inuyasha- FOOD FIGHT!

Food fight occurs. What a surprise.

Miroku-(is sitting down, dejected slightly) I think I'm going to need therapy after this (gets hit in head with pie)

Martha- ( (did I mention she's in one of those orange jumpsuit things?) is smiling towards audience in manner similar to television, food fight in background) I hope you've enjoyed this special broadcast. Now please, have a wonderful day and enjoy the food we've helped you prepare! Buh-bye now!

Episode food fight!

Disclaimer -(the guy side has left Auntie Martha's cell, due to come rather unhappy guards. I wonder why… Anyway, they's are following a map that was sent to them anonymously, although we can all assume it's from the girl Kouga Felix Kamiki-Z side)

Miroku- How much farther!

Sota- My legs hurt!

Shippou- My head hurts!

Naraku- Why does your head hurt!

Shippou- The leg-hurt worked its way up.

Inuyasha- We're almost there! I'm telling ya', we're doin' great!

Myoga- (sucking blood sound) Master Inuyasha, perhaps we should ask for directions! (slap)

Totosai- Ask for directions! There's no one around to ask, you little insect!

Naraku- Well, looky at who's in a mood today!

Totosai- (grumbles) I want my bath…

Inuyasha- We aren't lost, and I don't need directions (I suppose you can tell he's holding the map)!

Sesshomaru- (steps in front of Inuyasha, blocking him)

Inuyasha- What's your problem! Get outta' my way!

Sesshomaru- (moves so that he is next to Inuyasha, looking at the map. Grabs bottom of map and flips it right side up, and walks in opposite direction)

Jakin- My Lord Sesshomaru is so brilliant (bang!) (A Sesshomaru'n foot lands in his face)

Inuyasha- …oh…

Morobuku- (in rather unsurprised voice) Well men looks like it's time to turn around!

Sota, Shippou, and Miroku- WHAT!

Ooo! Three episodes! Exciting!

Disclaimer - (okey dokey! well, let us see what the girls were doing during the LAST disclaimer! Yay! Oh, and I forgot to mention, Love Music is yet ANOTHER friend of ours! Okay, moving on)

Love Music, KungPowKitty, Kagome, Stalking Chicken, Shard, Kaede, and Kagura (gee whiz that's a lot!)- (standing around one of those tables mad scientists use to strape down their patients (I've seen waaaaaaaaay to many whacked out Disney cartoons))

Other girls, Kouga, Kamiko-Zephuru, Felix, and anyone else I missed wait in next room. This is what they hear:

Love Music- The acorns are ready!

Kagome- (laughs like the mad scientist in that one 30s Mickey Mouse cartoon)

(smoke seeps out from mad-scientist room into the waiting room. Can't you just hear the 60s style muzac?)

Ayame- Maybe we should go in there (looks anxiously at closed door)

Kamiko-Zephuru- Knowing my sister, you reeeeeeaaaaaaally don't want to do that

Felix- I agree with him. I may be the craziest person to exist, but KungPowKitty has a knack for insanity given the right motives.

Kouga- What the hell did you just say!

Sango- Who cares? (to Sangarouka) Go fish! (they're tied, can you believe it? It's almost like they know all of their opponents moves!)

------okay, fast forward to after where we left the boys last time, girls wait in the cover of darkness as boys approach a certain clearing-----

Inuyasha- Of all the days! Why a new moon tonight?

Sesshy- I smell them.

(guys ready themselves for attack. there's a rustling in the bushes and (Jaws theme) Rin pops out! AAAAA! Okay, it ain't that scary)

Sesshy- Rin, what are you doing here?

Rin- (just smiles)

Kagome- Attack!

Girl and 3 guys team attack guys!

Kouga- Come here, mutt!

Inuyasha- Traitor! I'll kill ya!

Kagome- Sit boy!

Thud

Love Music, Ayame, and Kamiko-Zephuru - (are readying the acorns behind some bushes)

KZ- We need a distraction! Release the Felix!

Ayame- Aye aye, cap'n! (untapes Felix)

Felix- WAAAAHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Attack of the Flying Lawn Mower!)(KPK-(sings) where did you come from, where did you go? where did ya come from, cotton eye joe!(inside joke))

Morobuku- NO! They've destroyed him!

Felix- They've made me stronger! Bwa hahahaha!

KungPowKitty- yo, Sesshy!

Sesshomaru turns around

KPK- (throws blender...that's on...at Sesshy's hair. Go extension cords)(PS thanks for the idea Rae-Wolf-Demon)

Sessy- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! IT HURTS!(runs around in circles with blender, uh, chopping/sucking hair? I dunno! What would you call it!)

Jakkin-(thwacks Sesshy in head with staff end) finally it's MY turn to do that

Felix to Kouga- Shall I unmask my ultimate weapon?

Kouga- Please do

Felix- (takes out a...) BEHOLD THE FRENCH HORN! (Starts to play "I bought me a cat" on french horn. It's an insane American folk song)

Entire guys team fall to knees, covering ears, particularly Sesshy and Inuyasha, what with those pretty ears of theirs

Inuyasha- STOP!

KungPowKitty- Yeowch! That even hurts my ears! Hurry up with those acorns already, Love Music!

Love Music- Almost... There! Ayame, dispatch the weapons!

Ayame- Yay! (throws an acorn, it hits Inuyasha in the head)

Inuyasha- Ow! Hey, it's stuck to my head...What's going on?

Kagome- What a shame. I was almost hoping we could save him for last

KZ- Oh well! More fun now!

Love Music- Any second now...

From acorn, pixie dust type smoke surrounds Inuyasha. A bright light flashes from within. Sango walks up and starts dispersing smoke with hands

Kaede- Boys, come see Inuyasha!

Boys lean forward and gasp as they see Inuyasha transformed into . . .

**I stick out my tongue. Wha ha ha!**

**Pop-tart?…**


	10. Episode squirrels

**Merph! Only one more episode after this! How sad. But then there's Volume 2! Ooo, and a 3! THE FRYING PAN LIVES ON! (does a dance)**

Disclaimer- (okay, seriously, go read the last disclaimer or else this won't make sense. Now where we? Oh yes, I remember!)

Inuyasha had been transformed into a . . .(Jaws theme)(smoke clears)

SQUIRREL! That's right, a squirrel! A mostly red squirrel with pointy ears and white floppy hair on top of his head!

Love Music- The magic acorns work!

Miroku-Eeeeehhhhhhhh?

Kagome- Well this is interesting…

Sesshomaru- What the-? OW! Grrrr… (starts to pull on the blender that's stuck in his hair. Group of everyone is temporarily distracted from Inuyasha, watching Sesshomaru try to unstuck the thing) (first he pulls on it) (next, he has Jakkin use the staff of 2 heads (burn, baby, burn!)) (Employs Miroku's wind tunnel, then Sango's Hirikutsu, or however you spell it) RRRAAAAAAHHHHHH! (pulls out blender…and all his hair) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Kagura- I think he would have been better off with the blender in

Sota- Wait. If the girl team has acorns that turn people into squirrels, and there's more than one acorn (guy team looks fearfully at the girl/Kouga/Felix/ Kamiko-Zephuru team)

Shard- Can we go?

KungPowKitty- Go ahead everyone

WOOSH! In a strike of shiney smoke and bright light flashes, the guy team has been reduced to a colony of TALKING squirrels! Each with their own personal hairdo!

Totosai- GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Shippou- Was I supposed to get smaller?

Naraku- How am I supposed to steal the Shikon no Tama like this?

Miroku- (on phone) Hello? I need to speak with your best psychiatrist!

Inuyasha- Hmm, I wonder if this means that-

Kagome- SIT!

Inuyasha- (erk) yep, the rosary still works

Sango to Love Music- (shakes hand) Nice job!

Love Music- Thank you

Kamiko- Zephuru- Methinks I am glad we switched sides

Felix- I agree. Can you untie me now?

Kouga- Absolutely not!

Guy team in unison- TURN US BACK, PLEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZE!

StalkingChicken- Excuse me!

Sangarouka (to Morobuku)- Oh no! You're much cuter this way!

Sesshy- Hey, I got my hair back! Maybe this isn't so bad!

Jakkin-(whaps Sesshy in head for the idea)

Inuyasha- Turn us back, damn it!

Kagome-Give me one good reason

Inuyasha- euh?

KungPowKitty-(looks evilly happy over shoulder at Kamiko-Zephuru, who returns look) Only if…

Guy team- ONLY IF WHAT!

Felix- Hehehe! …you surrender!

**Bwa hahaha! Do we feel pity for the boy team? Yes, I think we do! Well, since the "fan-fic" is almost over, I figured 'start giving the disclaimer a climactic point!' What will happen next time!**


	11. Episode last!

-1**Meep! I'm so sorry! It's been forever! Bad KPK! Okay, last chapter!… Then on to Volume 2... Ho boy!**

Disclaimer - (Now then! Where were we? Oh yes! Last chapter! That in itself deserves many a tear! But never fear! So long as we keep the cops and lawyers away, disclaimer will be here! Now then, as I was saying…)

Shippou- Surrender or stay squirrels!

Love Music- Exactly!

Inuyasha- No damn way!

Kagome-(picks up Inuyasha squirrel by nape of neck and glares at him) Oh? Is that so?

Inuyasha- Uh…

Kagome- Sit, boy! (forgets to let go of Inuyasha, goes flying into the ground with him)

Inuyasha- Hahahahahahaha!

Kagome-(glowers at Inuyasha, lets go of him) Inuyasha…sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit! sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!sit!SIT!

Alas, the poor squirrel known as Inuyasha…

Kagome-(gets up) Serves you right!

Felix- Can I torture them now?

Stalking Chicken- Since we are still technically at war, most certainly!

Guy team looks at Felix, each other, and understandably start to run away.

Shard- Oh, no ya don't! (cage springs out of nowhere around the squirrels)

Sango- Now where were we?

Sangarouka- I know! Pick me!

Ayame- (takes out the reverse-transformation acorns) Say it! Or else…(motions to Felix, who has again found a nutcracker and is chasing Kamiko-Zephuru around with it)

Sesshomaru- I surrender!

Felix-What! No! Wilson the third didn't get to play!

Naraku- Me, too!

Guy team surrenders. Except Inuyasha, no surprise. He's the last one that's still a squirrel.

Kagura- What a shame. We were going to have such a blast celebrating the end of this disclaimer and the start of another.

Inuyasha- Feh.

KungPowKitty- Your loss!

Inuyasha- Huh?

Kagome- We were going to have so much of that Ramen stuff you like to help celebrate. Oh, well, more for us!

Inuyasha- Eeeehhhhhhh?

KungPowKitty- Aww, looks like puppy dog is not happy about this.

Inuyasha- But…but…but…

Love Music- Very good. You have mastered the first word of conjugation. Now try saying "and."

Felix- (approaches with Wilson) Hehehehehhehehehehhehe!

----- - -- - later ----- - ------

We're at some random field, and it's night time. Somehow, there's a stereo blasting Good Days by Zone (you may thank K-Z for the musical input here). Aaaaaaaaaannnnndddddd…

Miroku and Sango are dancing, and for once, our favorite lecher is behaving himself. I believe a pat on the back is in order!

Shippou and Rin are running around in the playful manner children do. How cute!

"Auntie" Martha has sprung outta jail and is teaching Sota how to cook quiche.

Martha Stewart- Much better job, little boy! Now let's learn how to turn this (picks up 18-wheeler in left hand) into a gorgeous centerpiece for your table this year!

Sota-Someone help me.

Ayame is repeatedly 'rolling over' Kouga for once again doing his "KAGOME MY GIRL!" routine. Let's get a round of applause for Ayame!

Kouga- OW! Stop it! That's the fifteenth time!

Ayame- And I'm going to continue until you have ROLL-OVER(flip thud)-ed as many times as you have done that! ROLL OVER!

Kouga- AAAIIIIIEEEEEE!

Kagura has employed KPK. You see, KPK is beating Naraku over the head with her frying pan.

Naraku- Ow ow ow ow ow ow owowowowowow! Knock it off!

KPK- Not until she pays me!

Kagura- And that may take a while.

Sangarouka and Morobuku hold onto each other in fear as they are strapped into the passenger seats of a car being driven by Hakaku! For good reason, obviously! Hey, wait, when'd he get here!

And lastly…Inuyasha has been turned into a human again…however, he hasn't surrendered exactly, SO, yeah. He is caged with a sugar-substituted Felix equipped with Wilson the nutcracker among other things. But that's not what really has his boxers in a bunch. (Bwa hahahhahahahhaahahha!)

Inuyasha-(running in circles from Felix in his cage) Sesshomaru, you bastard!

Kagome- (is dancing with Sesshy. Oh yeah! Am I bad? And no, oh weird-thinking people, this is not a romantic thing happening here.) Hmph! Call it pay back

Inuyasha- FOR WHAT!

Kagome- (still dancing, pretending not to care) haven't decided yet

Sesshy- (is, um, a pathetic dancer in that he doesn't understand dancing. Yeah, he's trying to mimic Kagome, which isn't doing so well) May I have more soda, please?

Kamiko-Zephuru, who is dancing nearby- ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Sesshy is sad. Boo hoo

Kagome- If you didn't want me dancing with someone else, you should have surrendered

Inuyasha- Feh. Like I care

Kagome- SIT!

KPK-(comes up, whaps Inuyasha in head with frying pan)

Sango- (hits him in head with Hirikutsu thing)

Are we getting the idea? Each person present beats up Inuyasha in their own personal way.

Inuyasha-(has many bumps on head, one in particular is about the same size as Tetsusaiga) erp… That's…nothing

All- SIT, INUYASHA!

**Until next time, eat a pop-tart every day!**

**-KPK**


End file.
